You might need to listen to that tape again, bud.

We all want to improve ourselves in one way or another. If you’ve run out of ideas on how to do it, you can always pick up a self-help book — or, if you’re too lazy to sit down and read, a self-help audiobook.

These books will tell you all the ways you’re a screw-up, then pepper you with pieces of dollar-store advice that you can implement into your daily routine to make it feel like you’re making a meaningful change.

This guy was listening to a self-help book, but unfortunately, he didn’t quite make it to the part where they tell you not to hit people with your car.